Annoucement

After all of our struggles and everything we been through, we found out on April 30^th that we are pregnant. We are so excited that we were able to make it through this 3 years storm. You can click the link to the left to read more details on our pregnancy. I hope this blog will still be an inspiration to others who are struggling and give them faith to keep trying.

We are still waiting to make a big annoucement at our jobs and facebook. I think everyone who is reading this pretty much knows we are pregnant. We are excited to make this annoucement.

Time Out

For our loyal readeres: We are taking a time out for right now on the baby making. We have some issues we are dealing with and will have more information in the future. Thank you for all thoughts and prayers.

Still Waiting

This week has been rough. For the past few days I have been sick and missed two days of work. I hate missing work, but I felt awful. I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I had a bug and gave me antibiotics. The antibiotics are kicking in and I am feeling better.

I went to my dermatologist and it went great. He recommended I start using cetaphil restoraderm http://www.cetaphil.com/Products/Restoraderm.aspx  I love cetaphil products so I am excited about using it. He also gave me a prescription; however, he did not know if it was safe to use during pregnancy. I am going to ask my RE at my next appointment and if he does not know, I will call Dr. Rister (OB/GYN).

I am still waiting on my cycle to start. I keep wondering if it will start on its own or not. I am okay with it starting late. One of my best friends is getting married in January and I am the Matron of Honor. We are kinda worried about how things will go if I am pregnant. If I get pregnant during this cycle, I will be due January 31 and the wedding is January 21. The more delayed my cycle, the later my due date. I am ready to get this started, but I am worried about the wedding also.

Once my cycle starts, I will post more blogs.  I think it will start any day now. It is kinda hard to tell what is my illness and what is PMS right now.

Sort of IF Related

Ever since I started my infertility drugs my eczema has been out of control. I posted a question about eczema and injections on a fertility community board. I received the response that I was expecting, injections will make my eczema worse. I decided I better go to my dermatologist before I start my injections. I have an appointment tomorrow and maybe Dr. McCarty will have some answers for me.

I spoke to my family doctor about my eczema and his nervous about putting me on anything that is not over the counter. Dr. Horner is worried about me being pregnant and on steroids, even if it is topical. I am hoping Dr. McCarty will have a solution because this eczema is killing me.

We will probably start injections next week. I will be posting more once we start our injection round.  

Prescriptions

I finally received all my medications last night. I cannot believe they came in such a big box.



This is the inside of the box. I cannot believe how much medication is in this box.

The actual medication. From Left to Right: 2 boxes of Gonal-F Shots, 2 boxes of Endometrin (Progesterone), Orivdel, Sharps Container, and Alcohol Swaps.

My next appointment with my doctor should be the last week of April or the first week of May. At that time I will find out more information on how I administer all this medication. I am just glad I finally have the medication.

Prescriptions are Mailed

Yesterday afternoon CVS called and confirmed my order for my Prescriptions. I think we finally have all the medications ready to go. YAY!! Now we are just waiting for them to be delivered. Then I will need to wait until my cycle starts, which will be next week, to start taking my first round of injections.  My representative at CVS said she will help me with my refills if needed. I am praying I do not need any refills and this next cycle will work!

Prescription Order is Almost Over

The insurance nightmare is almost over. YAY! My doctor’s office called to verify I was okay with the Endometrin. They are calling Caremark back to verify my prescription. The next step is for my representative from Caremark to call me so I can make a payment for the co-pays. I am so excited that after a week of working on this situation it is almost wrapped up.

Nightmare of Insurance

The insurance nightmare is not over yet.

Yesterday afternoon, I contacted Caremark Specialty Pharmacy and told them I needed to pay for my prescriptions. The guy was really snippy with me and told me representative assigned to my case was going to call me with the cost. He also said I just need to wait for her to call me. I said that our account manager said I needed to call and pay for the medication. He said he did not understand how our account manager would know that information.  I have been told since last Thursday that this person was going to call me.

I received a private message from one of the wonderful bump girls (thebump.com) and she recommended Endometrin (progesterone), instead of the compound drug. When I heard that word, it jogged my memory. When I spoke with the mail service pharmacy last week, I remembered them saying I had a prescription for Endometrin; however, I did not know that was progesterone and I had them cancel the order (as instructed by the specialty pharmacy).

I e-mailed all this information to my benefits coordinator here at work and she contacted our account manager. Within a few minutes, my representative from the specialty pharmacy called and apologized for all the confusion. She even gave me her direct line and was handle everything from here on out. She is even going to contact my doctor’s office to see if they can change out the compound drug for Endometrin. My prescriptions are going to be delivered tomorrow, with the exception of the progesterone. If my doctor’s office does not confirm the change in prescription today, then they will set up a second delivery for the progesterone. YAY!!! At least I will have my Gonal-F and Orivdel injections at my house tomorrow. I need these two medications for my next appointment with my doctor.

Then, about an hour after I spoke to my representative, another person called me about my prescription. This person said they just received my prescription from my doctor and wanted to set me up for a delivery date. Really???? Well I told her I was already set up and she apologized then said that there systems do not talk to one another. I gave her my representative’s direct number to verify that this was not a duplicate prescription.  

NOT INSURANCE RELATED

One of my very dear and close friends is ready to deliver her baby any day. I am so excited and happy for her. At least through this process I am learning what it will be like when we finally are pregnant. She also asked me to be in the delivery room with her. I am excited and cannot wait for the baby to be born.

The Need to VENT!!

I just want to vent that Insurance company and doctor’s office is driving me crazy. For over a week, I tried to have my prescriptions filled with no luck. My doctor uses Freedom Fertility Pharmacy and my prescription carrier (CVS/Caremark) does not cover the pharmacy. So Freedom had to transfer my prescription over to Caremark Specialty Pharmacy to fill my order. The following is my progression so far.

Monday (4/4/2011) at 9:00 am – Freedom Fertility Pharmacy said my insurance would not cover the drugs and they need to transfer my prescription to Caremark Specialty Pharmacy. Freedom said Caremark would have the prescription within one hour.

I called Caremark Specialty Pharmacy at 10:45 am- They said it would be two hours before they would get my prescription into the system and I was to call back at 1:00 pm.

I again called Caremark Specialty Pharmacy at 3:45 pm and my prescription was still not in the system; however, they entered my information in the system.

Tuesday (4/5/2011) – I called Caremark Specialty Pharmacy – My information is still no in the system. They called my doctor to verify my information.

Wednesday (4/6/2011) – Caremark is still trying to verify my information with my doctor’s office.

Thursday (4/7/2011) - Caremark is still trying to verify my information with my doctor and now I received an e-mail that my mail service prescriptions cannot be filled. I called Caremark back and the Specialty Pharmacy said my prescription had went to mail order. I was told I needed to call and cancel the prescriptions or I would be charged. I called CVS Customer Service and they said they could cancel everything. I called the Specialty Pharmacy to ensure that the mail service did not cancel anything the Specialty Pharmacy needs. The Specialty Pharmacy said they are still trying to take care of everything with my prescriptions and a representative would call me to confirm my medications.

Friday (4/8/2011) – Our benefits coordinator contacted our account manager with CVS/Caremark. We were told that my doctor’s office told them they were too busy to verify my prescription. AT THIS POINT I AM FRUSTRATED! I called my doctor’s office but they were closed for the day.

Monday (4/11/2011) – I receive this from the account manager with CVS/Caremark:

I have confirmed that the scripts have been verified by the doctor and that the delivery is scheduled for delivery on the 12th. 

Regarding the Progesterone powder it is a plan exclusion as bulk chemicals are not covered.  Some compounds are covered under the plan when mixed with a federal legend drug and based on the drug code the pharmacy submits.  Compounds can be a mix of several drug and it is hard to determine if there is an alternative because her doctor would now better on the specifics for the compound.

If the code for Progesterone powder is at Mail or Specialty it will reject due to it being a bulk powder. Specialty is unable to run the claim until they fill the order. 

What???? Yes, that is my exact words. Our benefits coordinator contacted the account manager again. If I want the progesterone caps I have to pay 100% out of pocket; however, our plan covers injections. I remember my doctor saying he was not going to give my injections because they were too expensive.

I contacted the doctor’s office and the nurse (the one who told CVS she was too busy to verify my prescription) told me they only give injections to IVF patients. I reiterated my story again. She said kept trying to convince me that I did not need them. I told her I have a Luteal Phase Defect (LPD) and need progesterone. She said the progesterone caps are only $50 to $60 and I said my co-pay is only $20 for the injections. Then she said I would have to be taught how to give the shots and my husband will have to give them ever night (What is the difference between giving myself progesterone shots and the gonal-f shots that I will be giving myself before the progesterone?). I said my best friend is a Labor and Deliver Nurse and can administer them. She said Oh, let me talk to the doctor and I will get back to you tomorrow.

Can I please just scream over this madness????????????????

If you are pursuing advanced fertility treatments, ask your benefits coordinator how to process specialty drugs for your insurance plan. I work in HR and still missed this one minor detail that has caused me a great bit of grief.

I'm in a Hurry and God's Not

I bought Joyce Myer’s DVD, “I'm in a Hurry and God's Not”. I am so excited about watching the DVD this weekend. The following is information about the DVD.

Don't believe Satan's lie that nothing is ever going to change. Learn how to trust God and develop a good attitude while you wait. This teaching will help you understand the tremendous value of patience and how it's developed, what to do to make the most of your times of waiting, and seven of God's greatest desires for your life.

I tried to wait patiently during this journey; however, it is not always easy. I am excited to hear Joyce Myer’s insight and see how I can improve. Once I finish this journey, the next journey begins (carrying a baby for 9 months).  So, I better practice being patience.

I still cannot express the joy I feel about this next part of our treatment plan. I feel like I am beaming from ear to ear. I have never felt this joyous about any of our other treatment plans. I feel like God’s telling me we are getting close to having our dreams come true.  

10 Commandments of TTC

I saw this on the bump and had to repost this to my blog. It is really cute, I hope you enjoy.




Commandment 1
Thou shall not pee in vain.
Just because you have a gazillion HPT (Home Pregnancy Test) in your bathroom does not always mean you should pee on all of them.  Check out the HPT accuracy chart.


Commandment 2
Thou shall not ask in vain
Go ahead and break Commandment 1 before asking strangers on the internet if you are pregnant.


Commandment 3
For 2 weeks thy shall wait; on the 14^th day thy shall test.
If you are POAS (Pee on a Stick) at 8 days past ovulation AND complaining about the 2 week wait you have failed to fully understand the ‘wait’ part of the 2 week wait. What you are participating in is the 1 week wait. Testing at the end of the 1 week wait almost always results in a BFN (Big Fat Negative) which may or may not turn into a BFP (Big Fat Positive), you just have to wait to find that out. If you are really struggling with the 2 week wait, waiting 38+ weeks on a baby will be difficult.


Commandment 4
Thou are unique, but most likely not that rare.
No two people have the exact same TTC (Trying to Conceive) journey. While experiences may be similar, just because something happened to you or didn’t happen to you is not indicative of pregnancy. That being said, implantation spotting is rare, most likely you are not experiencing it. The first and most common symptom of pregnancy is a missed period, but you have to know when you Ovulated (by charting or ultrasound) and the average length of your LP (Luteal Phase) to know for sure you are experiencing a missed period versus late ovulation.


Commandment 5
Thou shall know thy body
If you want to have a baby emerge from your body the best advice is to take some time to learn how it gets there in the first place. (http://www.tcoyf.com/) Here are some hints; it doesn’t involve a stork, the 14^th day after your last period guarantee, or having your legs up in the air after sex.


Commandment 6
Thou shall not covet a pretty chart
A pretty chart does not always equal a BFP (Big Fat Positive) and making your chart prettier by changing data will not make the egg and sperm reappear and meet up.


Commandment 7
Thou shall not worships clocks
Your cycle can change for a variety of different reasons so it is not always like clockwork, otherwise it would be called your menstrual clock as opposed to your menstrual cycle.


Commandment 8
Thou shall not give into phantom symptoms
Those symptoms you are having are either your period, or a baby and there is no way to know which one until your periods starts or you test positive.


Commandment 9
Thou shall not self diagnose infertility.
So apparently you are not the fertile myrtle your Mom told you that you were when you were 16. Mothers don’t ever lie, so you can rest assured that this was not a scare tactic—or was it? It can take a healthy couple a year to conceive. Most infertility issues are not hereditary, so just because your mother or grandmother or Aunt Lou or 2^nd cousin twice removed had issues conceiving doesn’t mean that you will have trouble.  Being a RE means that after four years of training in Obstetrics and Gynecology in medical school, a candidate also completed a three-year approved fellowship. Then, to become board certified in reproductive endocrinology and infertility, that candidate completed board certification in obstetrics and gynecology (written and oral exams), and then certify in reproductive endocrinology and infertility (written, oral, and thesis exams). That is who you should see if you have concerns regarding your infertility.


Commandment 10
Thou shall know what thy is getting into.
Everyone knows someone who got pregnant the first month they tried or they were on industrial strength birth control and got pregnant. I hope you do get pregnant on your first try, but just in case know that TTC (Trying to Conceive) can be a frustrating, aggravating, infuriating, confusing, devastating, heartbreaking, nerve-wracking journey. Sometimes it will be about as much fun as a throat punch and you might yell at your body, yell at your chart, yell at your husband, yell at your insensitive friends, yell at strangers and pregnant teenagers on T.V. Even if you temporarily lose it, and most people will, keep in mind what you are doing this for, try to stay positive and hopeful and above all else, be patient.

To New Beginnings

On Friday, Mark and I went to Frisco to meet with Dr. Barnett. I love driving on North Dallas Tollway, it is so peaceful compared to the rest of Dallas. It is also very beautiful. We arrived in Dallas an hour early, so we were able to drive around and shop a little.

Dr. Barnett wants to take aggressive action.  The main concern Dr. Barnett had were my age and my past medical history (Surgeries and Endometriosis). Because of these issues, Dr. Barnett wants to be aggressive and he said we will do IVF by the end of the year, if the injectibles IUI does not work.

The current plan is for us to take gonal-f (injectible medication), Ovidrel (HCG shot) and vaginal progesterone capsules. There is a higher risk of multiple while taking gonal-f.

Here is additional information on  gonal-f. 

Gonadotropins are injectable fertility medications that contain follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) and/or luteinizing hormone (LH). Gonadotropins allow women, undergoing fertility treatments, to stimulate the development of multiple follicles.

We missed this cycle for treatments, so we will start the last week of April. I really feel good about this, which is the first. This whole time I was seeing Dr. Rister felt like nothing was going to work. I have complete faith in Dr. Rister, but I felt God telling me I will have to go further in this journey. After leaving Dr. Barnett’s office, I felt a sense of joy in me, which I think is a great sign.  I am excited about these next steps and looking forward to the future.

For now, while we are waiting on our next treatment I am concentrating on myself. I started back at Curves, which has Zumba now, YAY!!! I am doing things around the house that needs to be completed. All I want to do over the next few weeks is relax so that I am prepared for our next round of treatments.

Infertility Feels Like

I found this document online and I think it describes infertility very well. I do not think the whole document applies to my feelings, but it is a good description of the over all feelings. The beginning starts on page 2 of the document.

www.infertilityeducation.org/pdf/Infertililtyfeelslike.pdf

End of Cycle #34

Today Mark received his semen analysis results and everything is normal. YAY!! At least now we know it is just me and not both of us. We go see Dr. Barnett on Friday and we are excited to hear what he has to say about our situation.

The last two weeks have been very difficult on us. We had so much pressure to make this cycle work and when we saw it was not working our hopes were gone. We saw our marriage counselor on Friday and he was very uplifting. I feel like we are a new us every time we have an appointment. We were on a two-month schedule with Dr. Corley; however, since we are stressed with IF, he wants to see us every month again.

I probably will not write again until after our appointment with Dr. Barnett on Friday. I do not have anything else to report until then.

Still Hanging in There

Sorry I have not wrote much lately. I really did not feel like writing for the past few days. My cycle is doing crazy things this time and I am down because I do not think this cycle is working. I have an appointment with Dr. Barnett on April 1; hopefully he will be able to tell us our next steps.

Yesterday, I had blood work to determine my progesterone levels. Dr. Rister called me this morning and said my progesterone levels were at a 5. Dr. Rister said it showed I ovulated and we will wait to see what happens. I did a little more research on what the level 5 means.

A progesterone test is done to confirm ovulation. When a follicle releases its egg, it becomes what is called a corpus luteum and produces progesterone. A level over 5 probably indicates some form of ovulation, but most doctors want to see a level over 10 on a natural cycle, and a level over 15 on a medicated cycle. There is no mid-luteal level that predicts pregnancy. Some say the test may be more accurate if done first thing in the morning after fasting.

The level 5 is not the greatest, since I was on medication, but at least I ovulated.  I am starting back on Prometrium today and hopefully in a week we will know something.

Dazed and Confused

My fertility monitor is still reading high today; however, my temperature is above my cover line (second day). Usually by now, I received a peak day and my fertility monitor would read low. I have a feelings this month is not going to be a success, because of all the odd things that are happening. Yesterday I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Barnett in Frisco. If you want to know more about him, here is his website http://www.dallasivf.com/ I like Dr. Barnett and I am excited to see his point of view on everything that has been happening.

The last two days have been very hard on me, Mark, and my family. I am thankful for the support of my friends and family. I try very hard not to let myself get down about this, but some time it is hard not to. I cried again several times yesterday, out of frustration of not knowing what is happening to me. I keep turning to God for answers. God has given me a peace that we will have a baby, I just do not know when or by what means (either giving birth or through adoption).

Several people have questioned me on why we are proceeding forward or why do we not just relax. Would you tell this to a person with cancer or any other illness? Infertility is a medical condition and I will do what it takes to overcome it. I am a fighter and when I am knocked down, I get back up. Sometimes I want to sit and cry before I get up, but I always get back up. God is giving me the grace and the strengthen to move forward. As long as I have a peace about our choices, I am going to keep moving forward. I trust God and I have faith he will direct us in the right path.

Confused

I am having a very odd cycle. So far, no peak day today. I went to my doctor’s office yesterday and Dr. Rister said my follicles are smaller than my mid-cycle appointment and it looks like I ovulated. I still have not had a temperature shift yet or any sign (besides the follicles) that I ovulated. Next week I am scheduled for a progesterone test to see if I actually ovulated.  I could see Dr. Rister was very disappointed too in what was going on with me.

I am very frustrated right now. I was so excited about this cycle and thought everything would go as normal. Well I guess I was wrong. I went home and cried last night. I am going to call Dr. Barnett (my doctor in Frisco) today and get my appointment scheduled. I need to have my paperwork transferred to his new office and figure out what else I need to do.

Dr. Barnett is a reproductive endocrinologist that performed my surgery to remove a fibroid from my uterus in 2006. Dr. Barnett is great and we saw him in 2009; however, we were not ready to use medication at that time. Now, I feel it is time to move to the next level, which will be to go back to Dr. Barnett. I spoke with Dr. Rister about this option early on in this cycle and he agreed that the next step is to see Dr. Barnett.

The longer this goes on, the closer we are to having to go through IUI (artificial insemination), which I am not excited about doing. At least with IUI, it is not as invasive or expensive as IVF. If you want to know the different, see my blog on 3/11/2011

Cycle Day #18 – No Peak Day

I was so sure last night that when I woke up this morning I would have a peak day. Nope, no peak day today. Now, I need to go see Dr. Rister and will probably receive an HCG shot, and I am not looking forward to the shot. The last time I receive this shot, I could not walk for two days. I am not sure what my body is doing this month.

This weekend I picked up my grandmother’s old rocking chair from my mom. The chair is in bad condition; however, I think I can fix it. One of my friends has offered to help and Mark’s uncle is good with wood work. Hopefully, with everyone’s help, we can fix the chair. This chair has rocked several generations of our family, and I would love to rock my little one in this chair also.

Questions

Yes, I am posting twice today, but I had several people quizzed me on what is Infertility, IUI and IVF. I found some resources on the internet that describes infertility, IUI, and IVF. I hope this information will answer many questions that are being asked. You can click the source link at the end of each section to read more detailed information.

What is Infertility? Yes, it is a medication condition

Infertility is a condition of the reproductive system that impairs the conception of children. It affects approximately 6.1 million individuals throughout the United States. The diagnosis of infertility is usually given to couples who have been attempting to conceive for at least 1 year without success.

Conception and pregnancy are complicated processes that depend upon many factors:

1) the production of healthy sperm by the man,
2) healthy eggs produced by the woman;
3) unblocked fallopian tubes that allow the sperm to reach the egg;
4) the sperm's ability to fertilize the egg when they meet;
5) the ability of the fertilized egg (embryo) to become implanted in the woman's uterus; and
6) sufficient embryo quality.

Finally, for the pregnancy to continue to full term, the embryo must be healthy and the woman's hormonal environment adequate for its development. When just one of these factors is impaired, infertility can result.

Read more: http://www.americanpregnancy.org/infertility/whatisinfertility.html

IVF vs IUI (Artificial Insemination)

IVF or in vitro fertilization is a process where the female egg or ova is taken outside the womb. There on fertilization of the eggs are initiated in a fluid medium with the sperm cells. As fertilization comes to an end, the fertilized egg or the zygote is introduced back into the female uterus looking forward to a successful anchorage of the zygote and commencing of a pregnancy. The process of fertilization is entirely carried outside the body, in vitro. When the conventional reproductive technologies fail, in vitro fertilization tends to come in handy giving birth to test tube babies. On the other hand IUI or intrauterine insemination is a process by which the sperm cells are artificially deposited in the female uterus. In case of IUI the sperm cells are first carefully prepared through sperm washing. Then only the good sperm cells are collected and introduced in the cervix with the use of a catheter.

Though IVF is a popular process of reproductive technology, but these days often couples tend to go for intrauterine insemination which is a lot less expensive and invasive as well. In IUI it is just a catheter that is inserted into the woman‘s cervix and is a quick and easy process causing a lot less pain. On the contrary IVF is much more invasive and painful. Another advantage with IUI is that it is not as costly as in vitro fertilization. Every cycle of IVF costs as much as $15,000 while that of IUI costs just $500.

IVF is a process that comes in useful when for some reason the eggs and the sperm cells are not able to fertilize biologically. For that reason they are removed and allowed to fertilize outside the ovaries in a fluid medium. But IUI is particularly suggested when the element of male infertility hinders pregnancy. In such cases the sperm cells are weak and cannot travel the entire way for fertilization. Hence they are artificially inserted into the cervix to diminish the distance that the sperm cells have to travel.

Summary:

1.  IVF stands for In vitro Fertilization while IUI stands for Intra-uterine Insemination.
2. In IVF both the sperm and egg cells are removed from the body and allowed to fertilize in vitro in a fluid medium. In IUI the sperm cells are artificially inserted into the female cervix using a catheter.
3. IUI is a lot less invasive and painful than IVF.
4. A cycle of IVF costs as much as $15,000 while that of IUI is costs lot lesser, just $500.

Read more: Difference Between IVF and IUI | Difference Between | IVF vs IUI http://www.differencebetween.net/science/health/difference-between-ivf-and-iui/

Another Day in the World of Infertility

This month has really been great. My side effects have not been as intense and I feel great. I started a new work schedule that also helps. I wake up every morning and exercise for about 10 minutes. Then yesterday when I came home GiGi (my furbaby, see picture below)  and I walked a mile. I started to lose some weight, but it is still not falling off of me like it should. Usually when I exercise it just falls off, but now it is coming off very slowly.

My temperature is still low and my fertility monitor is now showing high. We are getting close to having an egg or two. I feel a lot more relaxed this time around. I am still waiting expectantly that God will bless us.

My Furbaby GiGi

Mid-cycle Ultrasound

Yesterday I saw Dr. Rister for my mid-cycle ultrasound.  I really love going to his office, everyone is very uplifting.  When Dr. Rister walked, into the room he said, “So this is the, See if we have an Egg checkup,” we started laughing and I said yes.  Then I told him the title of my blog yesterday, “Waiting on an Egg”; he really got a kick out of that and started laughing.

The ultrasound went really great.  I have two eggs developing this time and they are about the same size.  Dr. Rister said one of them is more dominant than the other and may suppress the weaker egg; however, it is possible they both will develop.  I am excited we have double the chance this time around. 

After the exam, Dr. Rister and I talked for a few minutes.  I told him, I researched the next steps on how to proceed after this cycle.  Now that I have researched everything, I am focused on this cycle and I am expecting a great outcome this time around.  I said I planned for the worst, but I am expecting the best.  Dr. Rister smile and said Good, I expect a phone call from you in two weeks with a positive pregnancy test.  I am very thankful that Dr. Rister is my doctor, he is great.

I still have the book of Job in my mind today.  I did some more research and found some fascinating statements.

We put a high premium on good theology.  But let us be warned: it can be made false by the way; it is applied, and can even be destructive in the mouth of fools.

This statement makes me want to evaluate the advice I give and make sure it is in line with God’s word.  I think people today have the best intention; however, some people apply the word of God in the wrong way.  This is one reason why I decided to read the bible front to back.  I was tired of people telling me what was in the bible and what the bible meant.  After reading the whole bible, I realized some people were applying God’s word in the wrong way.

Therefore, let us not judge one another too quickly, or at all.  Those who suffer most may be the best.  And those who prosper most may be the worst among us.

It really breaks my heart to hear someone say that suffering is caused by sin.  Apparently, these people have not read to book of Job or study the path Christ took to the cross.  Innocence people suffer for no reason at all sometimes, just like Job.  As by standers, we should support those people and see how God is going to work through their lives.  My brother was handicap, due to a mistake during a surgery by a doctor.  Even though my bother could not talk, we still saw how God used him to show others that God’s presence is everywhere. It is amazing how God can work through those that are suffering.

Finally, I find this article from Christian Today.  I pulled some of the best statement out of the article and posted them below the link.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/augustweb-only/134-32.0.html?start=2

Job refused to buy the three "comforters'" analysis of his situation, because they traced only one thread of God's method of operating: his judgment for sin.  But what happens when someone suffers because God chooses that person to illustrate his grace and glory?

Our decision must be to follow God and trust his justice, wisdom, and goodness, whether we are in the throes of suffering or enjoying good health and blessing.  Such a decision would surely cut the ground out from under Satan in the spiritual warfare of our day and age.  Believers will continue to suffer, but it will always be under the permission or direction of a merciful and wise heavenly Father who works for our good in the way of the truth and fairness of the gospel.

Waiting on the Egg

I did not write yesterday because I did not have anything to report. As of today, my fertility monitor show high, which indicates we are getting closer to ovulation.  My fertility software calendar is predicting I will ovulate on Monday (CD 18).  I have my mid cycle ultrasound this afternoon with Dr. Rister, I am pretty sure it will go great.

For those of you who are not Catholic, today is Ash Wednesday.  We went to mass this morning and it was awesome.  Ash Wednesday allows us to take time out to think about who we are and that we are just human.  The ashes remind us that we are human and we will return to dust someday.  During mass we read a scripture from Job, and I start to think about Job’s life. Job suffered great tragedy in his life; losing material items, his family, his friends ridicule him, and he lost his health.  During this tragedy, Job always stayed focus on God, even when his friends told him that sin was causing this tragedy. Strange part is his friend had the best intentions in mind when giving Job their advice.

Focusing on Job’s story reminded me of all the comments I have received or seen on a community boards.  It seems like when you have a problem that everyone is ready to give you advice. More so than not, the people giving you the advice have never experience what you are experiencing. Today, I realize that I need to remember Job.  Job did not let the advice of others get him down or offend him.  Job focused on God and prayed to God to guide him through this rough time in his life. I have been turning to God through this journey; however, today I realized I need to shut the bad advice out and focus on God.  Without God’s guidance, I would not be where I am today and I know he will bless us in the future.  We are hoping, expecting, and praying for God’s blessing.  

Clomid is Finished

I took my last Clomid pill on Saturday. I found another side of effect of Clomid, dehydration. A friend of mine and I went to the spa this weekend for facials and pedicures. During the facial the lady could not believe how dehydrated I was, and she had to keep the steamer on my face for the whole time. I am glad I had a relaxing day with my friend.

I started to take my temperature again today. I usually start taking my temperature sooner, but I wanted to give myself a break before I become burned out. I also started using my fertility monitor this morning, which indicated low. Today is CD (cycle day) #11 and I usually ovulate around CD #18. I have a few more days before I ovulate. I plan on trying to find ways to relax between now and then. I started waking up in the mornings to excise and I want to start excising in the afternoons too.

Day 4 of Clomid

The side effects have not been too bad. My eczema is still flaring up, but I feel pretty good. I know some of the side effects do not show up until I finish Clomid, but I think they are going to be less this time. I am happy today, I weighted myself and I had lost 4 pounds. Considering I am on Clomid, I am surprised I lost any weight at all. I exercise this week and I have kept myself on a strict diet.

***Update*** - I am now having hot flashes, which are not fun. My office is already warm, and the hot flashes are not helping. I may go walk around to cool off. I can definitely sympathize with women going through menopause.

When dealing with Infertility (IF) I found that people want to offer all sort of advice. The sad part is most of them have no clue what IF is or what is involved. I found the following on a blog and I wish more people would follow this advice.

http://marycaryne.blogspot.com/2007/09/things-not-to-say-or-to-say-to.html

Things Not to Say (or to Say) to an Infertile Couple

NEVER say:

You need a vacation, then you'll get pregnant.

If that were true, we'd have around 8 kids by now....

I can't believe you sought medical treatment. Seeking medical treatment just shows you are spiritually immature and you don't trust God. Crying over it is also a sign of spiritual immaturity.

So do you usually comfort cancer patients this way as well?

Have you tried praying about it?

Now why haven't I thought of that before?

You should try standing on your head after sex so "it" can rush up to your egg.

 Really?

Well at least you know you can get pregnant! [in reference to our miscarriage]

  

Wow, thank you for minimizing my loss of my child to just a test run to see if pregnancy is          possible. Yeah, I appreciate that.

It's all in your head. If you stop thinking about it, it will happen.

Infertility is a real medical issue. I have endometriosis which is a biological reproductive disease and causes my infertility. But yeah, thanks for implying that I'm mentally unstable enough to cause myself to not have kids.

You must not be doing it right, let me show you how it's done.

Keep it up! My husband really enjoys being told that he's apparently inept when it comes to our sexual life.

You must be having lots of fun trying!

Oh yeah, it's a blast when there's all this pressure on both of us, and then you're poked and prodded to get test results and you're asked all kinds of questions about your sex life to a doctor you've never met before. LOADS of fun. Wish we started sooner.

You should adopt, then you’ll get pregnant right away (or the "you could always adopt")

I would never ever ever use adoption as a method of getting pregnant. How absolutely terrible for the adopted child!!! Besides, check your facts. There is no correlation between adoption and having a biological child. The percentage for getting pregnant after an adoption is exactly the same as the percentage of getting pregnant before adoption.

My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant

Good For you!

Here, you can just have one of my kids

The next time someone says this to me, I might just grab their kid, hop in my car and drive off, just to prove what a heartless comment that is.

Things could be worse

For me, this IS the "worse." My feelings are valid.

You're still young

I'm well aware of my age, thank you. I'm also well aware that my endometriosis makes conceiving a child more and more difficult with each passing year. Six years is a long time to try to conceive. I'm not quite keen on adding more and more years to that just because you think that I'm "still young."

There must be unresolved sin in your life

Well thank you for implying that I am such a horrible person that God would punish me by not giving us children!! Never mind the fact that there are people who are in such sinful lifestyles who are getting pregnant all the time. But no, apparently I'm the one who is too evil to have children.

And while the following comment is sweetly well intended and I never take offense to it, it's a comment that I have go in one ear and out the other:

We know it will happen for you (or other variations such as "I had a dream you'd get pregnant and my dreams always come true")

The following are comments that we truly love and appreciate. But because I get so embarrassed, I don't usually know what to say...but please know that if you're reading this and you have either done or said these things...we love you so much for it.

     How are you?
     Is there anything I can do? (not likely, but the fact you care enough to ask means the world)
     Can I get you some tissues?
     I'm here if you want to talk about it
    We are praying for you/can we pray for you?

 

And the actions...

     a hug
     crying with us
     a card in the mail
    remembering that while I do not have a child in my arms, I AM a mother and my child is  in heaven.

Day 3 of Clomid

The sides effects are definitely setting in now. Yesterday I had a pounding headache and then last night I started to feel nauseas. I could not sleep last night, I was having trouble turning my brain off for some reason. I got up in the middle of the night to take a bath and ¼ of a sleeping pill, which helped. When I woke up I realize my eczema is coming back, which is a side effect from the Clomid. All I have to say is, here we go again.

I am a planner and I like to know everything about a situation so I can plan my options. I even plan out our trips and set agendas (they are flexible agendas). I love research, it is one of my strengthens. IF (infertility) is no different from anything else I researched.  I am planning for the worse and finding out everything I can about IUI (artificial insemination) and IVF. I finally understand both procedures, and I know how we are going to proceed, if I am not pregnant. Now, it is time to hope for the best. I am focusing on the present and this cycle. I am saying this will work for us and God will bless us.

The following is another article from Joyce Meyer, she is such an inspiration to me, and I love reading things she writes.  Joyce’s books, Conflict Free Living, Battlefield of the Mind, and Power Thoughts, have changed my life. Mark always told me I needed to be more positive and stop thinking negatively.  I would tell him what is the use? If I hope for the worse, then I will never be disappointed. I learned through Joyce Meyer that when we think negatively, our actions reflect negative. When we think positive, we act more positive, which leads to being happier. Since I changed my way of thinking, I have seen a big change in my life and I owe Joyce Meyer a big thanks. I hope you do not mind reading her articles, because I think they are wonderful.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art21.htm?&MSHiC=65001&L=10&W=MINDA%20MINDS%20Mind%20POSITION%20POSITIONS%20POSITIVELY%20Positive%20&Pre=%3CFONT%20STYLE%3D%22color%3A%20%23000000%3B%20background-color%3A%20%23FFFF00%22%3E&Post=%3C/FONT%3E

Keep On Keeping On!

by Joyce Meyer

Various thoughts run through our minds every day—some good, some bad. Our natural temptation is to focus on the bad, so accepting them doesn’t take any effort. The effort comes in being determined to cast down the negative thoughts and take a firm grasp of the positive ones.

Positive minds full of faith and hope produce positive lives. The opposite is also true—negative minds full of fear and doubt produce negative lives, which can ultimately destroy your life. Some people have been hurt so many times that they don’t think they can face the pain of another letdown. Therefore, they refuse to hope so they won't be disappointed.

Battles are fought in our minds every day. When we begin to feel the battle is just too difficult and want to give up, we must choose to resist negative thoughts and be determined to rise above our problems. We must decide that we’re not going to quit. When we’re bombarded with doubts and fears, we must take a stand and say: "I’ll never give up! God’s on my side. He loves me, and He’s helping me! I’m going to make it!"

No matter how bad the battle rages in your mind, don't give up! Step out and regain the territory that’s been stolen from you. Even if it’s only an inch at a time, make sure you’re leaning on God's grace and not on your own ability. In Galatians 6:9 the apostle Paul simply encourages us to keep on keeping on! Don't be a quitter! Don't have that old "give up" spirit. God’s looking for people who will find the courage to rise above all the negative and pursue the positive.

Whatever you may be facing or experiencing in your life right now, I want to encourage you to stay positive and refuse to give up! God is with you, and He’ll help you make spiritual progress—strengthening and encouraging you to keep on keeping on during rough times. It's easy to quit, but it takes faith to press on to victory.

When the battle seems endless and you think you'll never make it, remember that you’re reprogramming a "worldly" mind to think as God thinks. In the same way that computers are programmed, our minds are programmed. From the time we’re born, our minds are like computers that have had a lifetime of garbage programmed into them. But God, who’s the best "computer programmer" around, is working on us every day to reprogram our minds as we cooperate with Him (see Romans 12:2).

This process of reprogramming or renewing our minds will take place little by little, so don't be discouraged if progress seems slow. Don't get down when you have setbacks or bad days. Just get back up, dust yourself off and start again. When a baby is learning to walk, he falls many, many times before he develops the ability to walk without falling; however, the baby is persistent. He may cry for a while after he falls down, but he always gets right back up and tries again.

Learning to change our thinking works the same way. There will be days when we don't do everything right—days when our thinking is negative. But never stop trying. God is gradually bringing us around to His way of thinking. Just don't give up!

Day 2 of Clomid

Currently I have nothing new to report. I started taking Clomid last night at 5:00 pm and I took today’s at 7:30 am. I probably will not have any side effects until later on today or tomorrow. I am still feeling very emotional, even on the way to work this morning I started crying.  On the radio, they played the song “When I get Where I’m Going” by Brad Paisley. We played this song at our wedding during our tribute to family members who have passed away (including my brother). I have not cried to this song in a long time, but I did this morning. I hate feeling as if I could start crying at any minute.

Here is another article from Joyce Myer. I just love her teachings. I placed the important points from the article below the link.

http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/Articles/art3.htm?&MSHiC=65001&L=10&W=WAITED%20WAITER%20WAITING%20WAITS%20Wait%20&Pre=%3CFONT%20STYLE%3D%22color%3A%20%23000000%3B%20background-color%3A%20%23FFFF00%22%3E&Post=%3C/FONT%3E

When God When  by Joyce Meyer

“We all want good things to happen in our lives, but too often we want it now...not later. When it doesn't happen that way, we are tempted to ask, "When, God, when?" Most of us need to grow in the area of trusting God instead of focusing on the “when” question. If you're missing joy and peace, you're not trusting God. If your mind feels worn out all the time, you're not trusting God. The tendency to want to know about everything that's going on can be detrimental to your Christian walk. Sometimes knowing everything can be uncomfortable and can even hurt you. I spent a large part of my life being impatient, frustrated and disappointed because there were things I didn't know. God had to teach me to leave things alone and quit feeling that I needed to know everything. I finally learned to trust the One who knows all things and accept that some questions may never be answered. We prove that we trust God when we refuse to worry…

WAIT WITH PATIENCE

We spend a lot of time in our lives waiting because change is a process. Many people want change, but they don't want to go through the waiting process. But the truth is, waiting is a given—we are going to wait. The question is, are we going to wait the wrong or right way? If we wait the wrong way, we'll be miserable; but if we decide to wait God's way, we can become patient and enjoy the wait. It takes practice, but as we let God help us in each situation, we develop patience, which is one of the most important Christian virtues. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22). It’s developed only under trial, so we must not run from difficult situations. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing (James 1:4). …If He did everything we asked for immediately, we would never grow and develop. Timing and trust work side by side.

ACCEPT GOD’S TIMING
God gives us hopes and dreams for certain things to happen in our lives, but He doesn't always allow us to see the exact timing of His plan. Although frustrating, not knowing the exact timing is often what keeps us in the program. There are times when we might give up if we knew how long it was going to take, but when we accept God's timing, we can learn to live in hope and enjoy our lives while God is working on our problems. We know that God's plan for our lives is good, and when we entrust ourselves to Him, we can experience total peace and happiness…

 
LEARN TO RELY ON GOD

Proverbs 16:9 says, A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Proverbs 20:24 says, Man's steps are ordered by the Lord. How then can a man understand his way? When God directs our paths, He sometimes leads us in ways that don't make sense to us so we're not always going to understand everything. If we try to reason out everything, we will experience struggle, confusion and misery—but there is a better way. Proverbs 3:5,6 says, Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. This sounds so simple, yet too many people make the mistake of trying to figure everything out themselves. Most of us have spent our lives trying to take care of ourselves, but when we accept Christ as our Savior, we must learn to trust our lives to His care…

FROM SEEDTIME TO HARVEST
Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us: To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. This lets us know that we all don't live in the same season at the same time. You should never be jealous of someone who is enjoying harvest while you're still in the planting season. Remember, they had to go through a season of planting just as you are. Seeing the results they are enjoying should be an encouragement to you. Understand and trust that God is doing the very best for you in your present season. Seedtime represents learning the will of God. Each time I choose God's will instead of my own, I'm planting a good seed that will eventually bring a harvest in my life…

Your soul is your mind, your will and your emotions. When the Word gets rooted in there and begins to change your mind, it begins to heal your emotions and turn your will away from self-will and onto doing the will of God.

…God causes things to happen at exactly the right time! Your job is not to figure out when, but to make up your mind that you won't give up until you cross the finish line and are living in the radical, outrageous blessings of God! The more you trust Jesus and keep your eyes focused on Him, the more life you'll have. Trusting God brings life. Believing brings rest. So stop trying to figure everything out, and let God be God in your life.”

Clomid Restarted

At my appointment with Dr. Rister today, we made an important decision. This round of Clomid will be my last with Dr. Rister. I am praying this rounds works. The next steps after this month, if we do not get pregnant, are for me to transfer over to Dr. Barnett at the Frisco Fertility Center.  I love Dr. Barnett, he performed my surgery in 2006 and we saw him in 2009 for infertility treatments. In 2009, when we saw Dr. Barnett, we were not ready to start Clomid at that time. I was hoping with Dr. Rister’s help, I would not have to see Dr. Barnett. The main issue with seeing Dr. Barnett is the travel (2 hour drive) and time away from work. I want to save all my time for when we have a baby. I know this is the best thing, if we want to have a baby. Dr. Barnett has been named “Top Doctor” in Texas monthly repeatedly, so I know I will be in good hands. Here is the website to his office http://www.dallasivf.com

The other part of my appointment:

My u/s (ultrasound) went great, my ovaries were normal (YAY!!!). Currently, I am on CD (cycle day) 5 and I will start Clomid today. I will start documenting my side effects, if I have any right away. I notice my side effects always start after I finish the Clomid. I usually will have hot flashes for a few days afterwards. I also gained weight that will not come off, thank you Clomid. I am on a strict diet and exercising, I hope this will keep my weight from going up again and maybe I will lose some too. I am still very emotional from the Prometrium; hopefully the Clomid will not intensify my emotions.

Please keep praying that we will conceive this time and we will have a Thanksgiving / Early December baby!